como te va?

you know, as much as they suck in the moment… those times in life when God has completely the last say, yield some of the most amazing, uplifting, faithbuilding moments in my life.

for example, my Soc 271 grade. I was in GRAVE danger of not getting a 2.5 in the class. it was, stupid. and frustrating. because 2.5 are a cinch… the thing is that i needed a 2.5 in this class to apply to the Sociology major. Basically, i told God, quite bluntly “Lord, if this is meant to happen… do it. Because all I can do right now, is study really hard and pray”. Theres that story about Elisha and how he told God to soak the mat/fur/whatever and keep the ground dry in the morning so as to give him a sign. This, basically that. God has never really communicated to me in such a way… multiple times I’ve told God “let _____ happen, to show me if i should do ______” . never works. UNTIL NOW!

I got a stinkin’ 2.9! HA! I was praying for a 2.5 and God provided me with SO MUCH more! I feel so freaking loved by him, I seriously don’t deserve it. He know exactly what hes doing with me right now, I love it. Even though I don’t always get what I want, I know it’s what I NEED. And in my grown-up mind (finally), I embrace that fully, and praise God for what he’s done. Im so undeserving, but it’s called GRACE.

awesome <3 <3
basically, im in love. with jesus, duh. haha

bike time!

check out this song, download it. its amazing.

Closer to Love
Mat Kearney

She got the call today
One out of the gray
And when the smoke cleared
It took her breath away
She said she didn't believe
It could happen to me
I guess we're all one phone call
from our knees
We're gonna get there soon

If every building falls
And all the stars fade
We'll still be singing this song
The one they can't take away
I'm gonna get there soon
She's gonna be there too
Cryin' in her room
Prayin' Lord come through
We're gonna get there soon

Oh it's your light
Oh it's your way
Pull me out of the dark
Just to show me the way
Cryin out now
From so far away
You pull me closer to love
Closer to love

Meet me once again
Down off Lake Michigan
Where we could feel the storm blowin
Down with the wind
And don't apologize
For all the tears you've cried
You've been way too strong now for all your life

I'm gonna get there soon
You're gonna be there too
Cryin' in your room
Prayin' Lord come through
We're gonna get there soon

Oh it's your light
Oh it's your way
Pull me out of the dark
Just to show me the way
Cryin out now
From so far away
You pull me closer to love
Closer to love

Cause you are all that I've waited for
All of my life
(We're gonna get there)
You are all that I've waited for
All of my life

You pull me closer to love hu huuh
Closer to love hu huuuh
Pull me closer to love
You pull me closer to love
Closer to love oh no
Closer to love
Closer to love

Pull me closer to love

you know, its a relief sometimes when you discover you’re doing it all wrong. i mean. when you are doing something, and it’s hard  and not working. like trying to lead a Godly life and rid yourself of the things you know you need to correct.

i’ve been stupid, recently, i have. i’ve been trying to do SO much on my own, and without God’s help. it’s not that i haven’t rejected the help, its just that for some reason i didnt automatically turn to him and yell “YO! A LITTLE HELP, HERE?!” . which might be just as bad… because that should be instinct.

so, now i know what to pray. its wonderful

other than that, i love my family. when i say that i mean my extended family.
i sent them an email saying im going to africa for a month, and now i’ve got a whole church praying for me in buenos aires   my uncle is the pastor of a church and he told them about me. how wonderful is that?! it warms me heart and soul. what a beautiful thing it is. i hope someday i can give back to them, i do.

spring quarter starts MONDAY. and that means a lot of things… like sun, bike rides (im gonna ride across the I-90 bridge), skirts, frisbee, alki beach, flowers, friends, and overall fantasticness… if you would like to join me in the experience of any of these activities, let me know. because the MORE THE MERRIER, ALWAYS.

God is good, all the time
xo
m

( i wrote this a while ago, just didnt post it…)

Hi.

If you didn’t know already, I’m going to Africa for a month. I type that and almost can’t believe it. hahaha… i almost laughed the first time i said it. because i really can’t believe it, frankly. i’ll be staying in nampula, mozambique… and possibly sleeping in a tent for that time… wow. incredible.

i realize this experience could change a lot of things in my life. which is really exciting. because i really cannot wait to be challenged and stretched… and i already am dealing with things… like the fear that i can’t raise $4800. which is scary.  but, i have faith that i CAN because God is crrrrazy amazing.

but i don’t want this experience to be a selfish one. because i am going to help and love people. praise God.

There are a lot of fears that come with this…. but i have faith God will take care of me.

Also, there is the possibility of me going to Paris. Yes… Paris. it’s probably going to happen, like… 80% chance. Which means I’ll be visiting three countries (not including switzerland on my way to paris) this summer. WHAT A DREAM!!!

Anyway, pray for me and my decisions and adventures. Because frankly, I’m a little nervous. not scared…. just nervous.

xo
m

you know, i had a bit of an epiphany the other day. I mean, it wasn’t really sudden… but it was more of a moment of downright decision.

I’ve discovered that I’ve really just kind of gotten lost in the “thick of it”. Yes, ambigious I know, but sometimes I get so busy and wrapped up in other things in my life such as school, work, intervarsity, life (etc…) that I lose the purpose of what I’m doing. It’s like I start things out, and I just get distracted on the way. The result of that, is mainly that my intentions and goals become something that they shouldn’t be. They become selfish and pointless, which is a problem if you haven’t already gathered that.

That brings me to a pivot point of action: I really need to evaluate my purpose. I really do. Because unless I’m doing everything for the glory of God and for him, then things aren’t gonna work out the way they should.

I honestly don’t know where to start with it, because that a lot of stuff to deal with. And I reallly don’t see it as a negative thing. People do it in projects all the time… it’s healty and necessary to take a step back and see what you are doing. Its like painting… and sometimes if you don’t take a step back, everything will turn out badly and not the way you wanted it.

Other than that, I have a final in 50 minutes. Which i have been preparing for for a long time.

Also, the new facebook layout SUCKS. I mean, I’m not one to complain about facebook very often, but honestly…. this one blows. It almost makes me not want to go on it as often. The other one was so great, so nicely labeled… this one, it’s like a giant TWITTER box. not that I don’t like twitter… but twitter is twitter. And facebook is facebook. don’t mesh them.

xo
m

decided to take a break off of facebook for this week. i’ve kind of realized that constantly checking it and just being so dependent on it is… unhealthy. and i really shouldn’t be addicted to anything, except for the love of Jesus Christ.

so, out of that will come maybe some extra blogs because i really dont have anything to do at work except for that. it’s interesting to see what i am going to fill my facebooking time with. (funny that its become a verb…. to facebook, to google, to text, to myspace…) .

my latest gripe. the bad-ass, critical, much too liberal, pessimistic, sexual characteristics of some parts of seattle. one mainly would probably be the newspaper “the stranger”. MAAAAAN is that annoying! i just read an article about how this guy thinks that Marc Driscoll hates women and that Jesus feels the same way. you, my friend, are close-minded. i think there is a certain grace that it takes to state a strong opinion but still be educated within that. you see, if he was educated he would of talked to pastor marc before that. and i can honestly see where he might have gotten that kind of impression, i do… but the superficial meaning behind driscolls words are not ones that intend to disparage women. bleh.

also, im in awe of how sexual the daily is. you open it, and there just a myriad of ads for strip clubs, places to purchase sex paraphernalia… and my main concern is that anyone can pick that up and see that. and they wonder why people struggle with sexual addictions and divorce… its because sex is everywhere.

oye. i know that just complaining about it won’t do anything. and the best i can do right now to make a difference is to try and be more educated and to learn from other people. that might mean that i should read an edition of the stranger once in a while, just to see what is going on in the minds of seattlites.

anyway. i’m gonna go…. not be on facebook. not gonna lie, its hard.

yes, yes it does.

perseverance also produces:
- impatience ( im exploding inside )
- worry
- anxiety
- hope

I have that same feeling I had when I was 16 and wanted to drive SO badly. I was screaming inside “I’M READY, LET ME GO!” But my parents would of course,  say no. But God, being the excellent parent he is, won’t give it to me. You know, I figure that the longer I wait, the more I’ll appreciate it when I do get it. Now, what is this “it”? It’s a lot of stuff… a future, a relationship, a position…. i could go on. Heck, the word TEST is even in the word TESTimony. why didnt we see that?

BUT. It’s funny how when you get on the right track, God blesses you! It’s kind of like training… I gain faith to just keep following him.

oye.

so i guess its my turn to update all of you on my life since the quarter started.

well, its been good. i’ve just been reading a lot of books about capitalism, speaking some italian, and learning about what being deviant REALLY entails (according to my class, ANYONE could be deviant… it all depends on what the norm is and what your definition of deviance is… weird, right?).

i’ve recently become a lot more structured. i use my planner a lot more, sticky notes are my new best friend (sorry tiff…), i find myself planning my day in my head… it kind of goes like this “ok, marsha, when you get home you’re gonna go on facebook for a bit, then take a shower, then cook dinner, and then study… and then maybe go to the IMA…” and it continues. or ends. depending on the day.

i’ve also realized my OCDness over cleanliness. and its hard, especially living in a house with a bunch of people who are also as busy, or busier than me… and sometimes i just gotta give it up and kind of realize that i won’t die if there’s a little more dust than i would like on the floor. all i know, is that my own household will be ridiculously clean. living with people takes a lot of giving up, because i can’t demand constant 100% contentedness… is that a word?

so, er, new hobby. swing dancing! i love it! one of the best things i my life, currently… and ya know, i’m getting better every night! so, come dancing with me sometime and i promise you’ll have a good time… as long and you know how to laugh a little and can rock-step.

as for God. God is good, all the time! but sometimes the life as a Christian isn’t always the easiest. i’m honestly not a very insecure person… i consider myself relatively confident in the things i do. but lately i’ve become increasingly insecure about the silliest things, relationships…. other things. and i’m just so much more sensitive about the things i do/say… i mean, i think its important to always become a better person, but at this point i don’ know if it’s God’s way of molding me into who i should be. or if it’s just one of those weak stages in life… that happen. all i can do is pray that God may have his will. its tough sometimes… i shouldn’t expect constant approval from the people around me, but sometimes its good to hear that i’m ok…

music-wise
theres this song called “Hologram” by Katie Herzig. HA! its amazing!

anyway. that is life currently…  i’m gonna go upstairs to see who lurks in the kitchen…

hope you are all well.

xo
m

no, i’m not in delaware… silly goose. its the title of a really awesome song by city and colour.

things to do when i’m snowed in. those with asterisks are going to happen no matter what
i like making lists
1. make cookies*
2. make a snow man
3. make an igloo
4. make a random snow sculpture ( snow plant, snow bear, snow car, snow toilet, snow bunny, snow cat…)
5. read
6. clean*
7. go for a walk in the snow
8. wrap presents*
9. meticulously organize everything
10. take a really long shower*
11. practice a languages (french, italian…
12. facebook* (sometimes i wish this wasn’t inevitable)
13. go sledding… alone
14. make more lists.

ok. i’m done sitting around. the snow is pretty and all, but i do enjoy running around town, doing my errands, going to coffee shops… those are the ways i relax, by doing the things i love. i mean, is it bad that i actually get more antsy if i sit around too long? i vote “no”. i’m done. tomorrow, i pray the streets get better or else i’m going to take the bus to seattle or something and do my xmas shopping then.

other than that. my cat freaking peed on my favorite scarf from argentina. kinda mad at him. he knows it, too. he’s just territorial and spoiled. i think he just freaked out because i’m back and usually my room is where he hangs out the most, so he decided to mark his spot. i mean, it’s like a kid… he doesn’t know any better, for the most part. i mean the cat is old, even though he doesn’t act like it, but he’s just kind of senile… and if he continues to pee on things, we’re gonna take the kitty to the vet. which worries me because we never take him to the vet, so he’s going to be terrified. maybe i can get him some tranquilizers or something. ANYWAYS, i think he’s ok… just kinda dumb.

tomorrow, i’m on call for work. hopefully i can work tomorrow because i just wanna get OUT. i’m sick on xmas music, and … yeah. just get me out. or else i’ll write an entire novel’s worth of blog postings.

xo
m

um. things are moving slowly in the life of marsha. haven’t watched so much tv in one day for a long long time. its a weird feeling.

i’m making little lists in my head of the things i can do tomorrow. places i can drive to, tasks i can accomplish. is is unhealthy that i can’t stay still? i mean, i’ve allowed myself to be lazy to a certain degree, but then theres this point where i kind of realize i’ve checked my facebook too many times, and that “no, that cute boy won’t be updating his status anytime soon…so stop checking it”. my mind turns into mush, muscles into spaghetti… then i start making those lists.

so, this is hard.
i think i’m called to leave the country for an extended period of time. thats at least what i gather right now… but the thing is that my mom doesn’t want me to. i bought this book called “getting out” because it’s an interesting book that talks about different countries and what the living situation is in them… i didn’t bring it home because i think she would probably flip. even today at the dinner table, my mom mentioned how the health care in other countries is really bad. she said “and thats why, marsha, America is better. you should go, visit for a little while, and then come back…”

and then when someone tells me to stay, i go. when someone tells me “no” i think “yes”, and try harder. i think mummy is gonna have to kind of face the fact that there might be a year i’m not home.

i think i should be more sympathetic. i’m pretty sure she hopes for me to stay around and have a huge family. don’t get me wrong, i want to have a family. i CANNOT wait to get married and stop hunting for men because i’ve finally found the perfect one. and, straight from the big man upstairs, i don’t think i’m gonna be going on my little excursions solo. what a wonderful thing it will be to travel with the love of my life, doing what makes us happiest. anyways, back to big family… i think my mom wants me to stay around, to keep coming back for lunch on sundays. and soon, she hopes that those sunday lunches will turn into having the son in law over, along with her grandchildren so that they can play on her lawn. its sad. we all have our dreams of the future, and it’s SO easy to be selfish with those dreams. because we think we’ll be happiest in those moments, in those fantasy lands in our minds. but the real truth is that we can’t even imagine the life God wants us to have, and the life that he HAS created for us in the future, we cannot begin to imagine.

anyways. i get a little pit in my stomach when those words my mom said ring in my mind. because it’s honestly a little bit of a faithless thing to say. mother, if i go, have faith God will protect me. he promised me he will and i know he will.

theres somethings that i’ve realized run through the blood of the Dubuks; creativity & restlessness. its IN me, sorry, God made me this way.

oye.